Anyone who suffers from that curse known as IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME will understand what I am about to write.
I just spent the last hour seated upon the porcelain throne baragaining with God.
First let me say that whoever came up with those Dulcolax commercials, the ones with that cartoon woman stretched out like some modern day Cleopatra upon her chaise lounge purring in absolute contentment because Dulcolax has made her bathroom sojourn COMFORTABLE deserves to be tied to the business end of a cow, or have a proctology examination performed by a beefy woman named GERTA using a jackhammer for her probe!
I promised God if He could sprinkle COMFORT DUST throughout the endless miles of my Intestinal Tract I would sing "THE LORD'S PRAYER" in my unfortunately off-key voice. I'd get down on bended knee and HOWL with remorse for all my past transgressions. In other words...I pledged my soul for the comfort that cartoon woman wallows in.
If it is something you HAVE to do, it shouldn't be so excruciatingly painful!!!
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2 comments:
As a fellow sufferer mom, shouldn't the line be "it SHOULDN'T be so damn uncomfortable" rather than it should? Love you:-)
Yes, Kathy.
It SHOULD be SHOULDN'T.
As you know I have this bad habit of typing without stopping to fully allow my brain to spell out each word as it...my brain...at the speed of an asteroid avoiding a collision with a NASA probe...(There's that word PROBE again!)
I'd REALLY like to probe, with one of those spiked maces from old, the mind of the genuis who dreamed up that Dulcolax commercial.
Instead all I can do is type away with lightening rapidity while trying to find a comfortable spot...AFTER my comfortable time upon the porcelain throne...to place my abused posterior while I type here upon my personal I-AM-NOT-A-HAPPY-DUMPER space.
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